Good evening Senior Pastor, Pastors and fellow lighters. My name is Joel and I want to give God the glory for the way that He has brought me through what has to be the biggest crisis of my life.
It all started on the 20th Sep 2008. I was on a holiday with my wife and friends in Da Nang, Vietnam. On the last day of the trip at around 4pm local time, we were waiting for the taxi to send us to the airport for our flight. As I had contracted a cold on the last day of the trip, my wife walked over to ask me if I was feeling well. As I was thinking and trying to utter the words to my wife, I realized that I could not. All I could say was unintelligible “Ah Ah Ah”. When my church friends realized that I was not joking, they all came around to pray for me. Once the prayer was said, I managed to calm down and my speech was restored to me.
What came to mind was that I had suffered a Transient Ischemic Attack (TIA) – a mild stroke. I called up my parents who prayed for me both immediately and at the Miracle Service on the same day. I took my flight back to Singapore and made plans to visit the doctor after the 1st Sunday service the next day. After the Sunday service, I went to visit my family doctor who gave me hypertensive medication and also aspirin. He also took an ECG and the results were positive. I took the first dose of the medication and went to sleep as I was still nursing the flu. After I woke up, around 6.45pm, just as I was about to leave for my parents place for dinner, the same speech attack came. It was also in response to my wife’s questions. My wife then prayed and my speech returned after 10sec. I went on to my parents’ place for dinner and after that, my whole family interceded for me and prayed over my life.
My wife consulted another doctor friend who works in Tan Tock Seng Hospital (TTSH) and he advised that I should be admitted immediately. So at 11pm, my brother-in-law and sister drove me to TTSH to be admitted. Before the doctors could attend to me, I experienced what would be the last attack which lasted for 10sec. By the time the hospital got me a bed, it was 3am the next morning. My mother and wife who stayed with me all these while, went back home to rest. Half an hour after they left, the hospital staff wheeled me to the Magnetic Resonance Imaging (MRI) room to do a brain scan. After that, I was wheeled back to my ward. I remembered that I did not have a good night’s rest. After I fell asleep, my heart would start to palpitate suddenly and I would be jerked out of my sleep. This happened at intervals of 15mins. I literally was watching the clock and wished that I could have proper rest. Each time the palpitations happened, I would call the name of Jesus. I just whispered His name until the attack was over.
After a series of tests, they concluded that I had a brain tumour about 3.3 by 4.5cm. It was situated at the left frontal side of my brain. I remembered feeling God’s peace when the doctors told me the shocking news. When I met with my Neurosurgeon, he explained that the mass was a low grade tumour. There were 3 options to take – 1st option was to do nothing about it, 2nd option was to do a biopsy which he did not recommend as the tissue sample may not be representative of the whole mass. The 3rd option, which was his recommendation, was to remove it totally through an awake craniotomy. I chose the 3rd option, so the surgery was scheduled on the 9 Oct.
While I was praying for God’s healing, I realised that by putting my lot on the operation, I had the easier and more convenient option instead of trusting God for complete healing. I did not have to exercise faith and still be well. Moreover, due to some work considerations, the surgery was a more convenient option. As the date drew nearer, I fell ill again with flu. On 8 Oct 08, I had just recovered from flu with some lingering cough. After the admission, I went through all the MRI scans needed. When the anaesthetist did her checks and found out that I was still coughing, she recommended postponing the surgery as the risk of infection was high. As the checks were done late in the day, my heart was getting more and more concerned about the surgery which was to be done early next morning. When the doctor confirmed that the surgery would be postponed, I was extremely relieved. I realised that God was giving me another chance to put my complete trust in Him for a miracle. Even when I was faithless, He is still faithful and giving me chance after chance. Upon discharge, I determined in my heart that I would seek for His miracle.
Through the weeks of waiting, I’ve learnt to trust Him and learnt other precious lessons on fasting, praying, praising and even resting in His love. The surgery was rescheduled to 6Nov08. I requested for a final MRI scan on 5Nov08. I took faith steps. At the miracle service, when Pastor Rony said to those who have been prayed for to do something you could not do, I will put my hand at the place where the tumour was and do a grabbing action and throw it away. It was a symbolic action that the growth is gone. I also went back with my wife to our Seng Kang flat to clean up in preparation to move back. And by faith, I typed a testimony in line with seeing the invisible and believing and exercising my faith to declare that the MRI scans on 5Nov08 will show that I’ve been cleared of all tumour.
But this was not to be. The MRI scan done on the 5Nov08 showed that the tumour was still there and that I had to go for the operation the next day. My heart was deeply troubled and fear griped me. I was in a state of disbelief that God had seemingly let me down. My faith was somewhat shaken. For the first time, I cried asking God why. My father reminded me that in life’s seemingly tough circumstances that God was always in control and that we don’t rewrite our theology based on tragedy. My mother also reminded me the promise found in Rom 8:28. “And we know that in all things God works together for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.”
I went for surgery on 6Nov. It lasted 9 hours. During the 9 hours, my wife, mother and Aunty Jennifer Aw was outside that operating theatre interceding for me. I knew that the church was also interceding, upholding me in prayer. The operation was a success. The doctors removed 98% of the tumour, tested it and found the tumour to be benign. However, after the surgery, the finer motor skills in the right side of my body were impaired. The depth of the tumour was deep enough to affect the speech centre. As a result, I could process thoughts in my brain but could not articulate what I was thinking after the surgery. This was very frustrating and I found myself increasingly angry with God. I could not understand why He was putting me through all the suffering. Simple task which we take for granted became challenges which I had to overcome.
I remembered when I tried to play the piano for the first time after surgery and found that I could not, I cried. I recorded the song “My Tribute” on the electric piano in my parent’s home before my surgery. I played back the song during one of the mornings. The Lord spoke to me through this song. I was trying to do things my own way, live my life the way I saw fit. I was dictating the terms and conditions of my life, living life for my own purposes. God had to re-teach me lessons that I’ve learnt when I was younger. Faith, trust in His unfailing love, rekindling my first love for Him were things I had to relearn. I recommitted my life anew and placed Him back in the throne of my heart.
Doctors have commented that my rate of recovery has been very fast. I regained most of the finer motor skills in the right side of my body and I would say that my speech is almost 100% recovered. I thank God for the miraculous rate of recovery He has given me.
At this juncture, I would like to state my appreciation to the people who have made a difference during this trial.
1) To my wife – who stood by me and showed me our marriage vows in real action. I love you dear.
2) To my parents and siblings – whose love and concern showed me the real meaning of blood is thicker than water. Each of your prayers each week on Sunday evening during our family prayer time touched my heart.
3) To my parents and sister in law – Thanks for your prayers and for looking after Josh my baby son when Cherry was staying with me in the hospital
4) To Pastor Rony, Pastors and the staff of Lighthouse Evangelism, Uncle Johnson and all the staff at the M&D office – For praying alongside with me and for showering me with concern.
5) To the countless gospelighters who prayed for me at the Miracle Service and visited me at the hospital
6) Last but not least I would like to thank God for His unfailing love.
To God be the glory for the things that only He can do.
